Alice,

You said you didn't snore.

You lied.

Dear digestive system,

I totally mean the pun when I ask you to get your shit together.

Dear Me in the Mirror,

Pointing and laughing at me is neither helpful nor useful.

Please desist ASAP.

Regards, me.

Dear Me of 4 hours ago,

You forgot to turn the oven off. Again. You're damn lucky I checked.

To dear the observing aliens,

I know our ways may be confusing to you, but our habit of congregating in public places, consuming toxins and then playing with our phones instead of actually talking to one another is strange to us too...

Dear social life,

I'm bored with you now.

To dear mythbusters

Can you please test whether or not you get better phone service by holding your phone to your head? I'm pretty sure you do, since you get a lot better range on the car remotes when they're at your head, but it would be nice to know for sure. Also, it would stop me from looking like a knob by doing it every time I need something to send or upload.