Go Write a Letter...: 2012

Friday, September 14, 2012

Dear digestive system,

I totally mean the pun when I ask you to get your shit together.

Sunday, September 2, 2012

Dear Me in the Mirror,

Pointing and laughing at me is neither helpful nor useful.

Please desist ASAP.

Regards, me.

Thursday, June 7, 2012

Dear Me of 4 hours ago,

You forgot to turn the oven off. Again. You're damn lucky I checked.

So in our household, whenever someone's cross about something, or just having a petty whinge, we will nod sagely and them and say in a very serious tone of voice: "You should so totally go write a letter." Sometimes we say "Oh my god" before it, even though we're all atheist.

But we don't really mean they should write an actual letter, just like we don't believe that if there's a god he's actually ours.

Or do we? On the basis that if one turns out to be true then the other one will as well, I'm gunna start writing some letters. Hopefully I will subsequently acquire a god in much the same way that this time last year I spontaneously acquired a cat. And he can sleep under my bed and I can give him a name, and take him to the vet to get him neutered, lest we end up with little godletts all over the place.

Cause if that happened, I'd be cross, and some one would say to me "Oh your gods, you should like, totally write a letter."

And I would pull on my thinking face and say "Yes, yes I should." And when that day comes, I'll come here.